- Learn to work the toilet seat
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you.
Live with it.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- We don't remember dates, mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing', we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine - Really.